When I was asked to share my story, I reluctantly agreed. I was reluctant for two reasons: first of all, I
don’t think my fight with cancer is unique; I’m certain the details of my struggles are similar to those
of so many other fortunate survivors. Secondly, because my story is not unique, I wondered how others
could possibly benefit from my story. Could I offer any new insights or perspectives that would
help someone else?
After much thought, I decided to share something that I have learned during my fight with cancer in
hopes that it might help people who are just starting their battle or are in the early stages of the fight. I
know that I would have benefited greatly if someone had been somehow able to help me understand
this when I started my cancer treatment.
As background, I was diagnosed with breast cancer in July of 2002. I found a lump, had a mammogram,
then a sonogram and a needle biopsy. I was 48 years old. I knew it was cancer even before
the doctor told me, but that in no way prepared me for the news. I had a lumpectomy six days later. I
can’t remember how I got through the next six months, with chemo and radiation, but somehow I
did. Eighteen months after my breast cancer diagnosis, just when I thought I might be able to get my
life back on track, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and uterine cancer and had a complete
hysterectomy. More chemo and radiation, more tests, more doctor visits, an additional doctor at
Johns Hopkins and several genetic tests. The first cancer diagnosis was of course devastating, but,
with the second and third, I was simply shell-shocked. It seemed that with the breast cancer, I couldn’t
stop crying; with the ovarian and uterine cancer I was just too stunned to cry.
So what did I learn after these battles, what do I wish I had been aware of when I started fighting cancer?
Simply this: be prepared for people close to you to react very differently to your cancer. Some
people will drop what they are doing and fly across the country just to sit with you for an hour after
surgery. Others, sometimes those closest to you, will have great difficulty facing your cancer because
it scares them so. They may only visit occasionally and call infrequently and your conversations with
them may be about mundane, everyday life when you expect them to ask all about how you feel
and your treatments. It can seem that these people are less caring, but they are not. They simply
cannot face the details and trials that you are undergoing because it makes it too real for them.
Why is this important? Because, I believe, cancer patients cannot help but have very specific expectations
of how others will and should react to their devastating diagnosis. When some people do not
react as expected, we cancer patients can be very, very disappointed and hurt. Remember, a cancer
diagnosis is terrifying to you, but those who love you will feel both terrified and helpless as they
watch you struggle. As strange as it may sound, I believe they may need you as much as you need
them.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you. |
